I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
