Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
