WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
