my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
