I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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