Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
