did you get engaged???
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
