cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
