Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
