i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
