True but thats because hes a fetus.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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