I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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