But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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