I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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