Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
