Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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