i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
