when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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