He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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