im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
