Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
