the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
