Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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