I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
