I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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