wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize