Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
