You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
