Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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