at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They took my balls.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
