Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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