i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
