I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
