Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
