Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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