Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize