Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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