I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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