My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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