He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
