You're completely useless in the revolution.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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