just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
