if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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