My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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