her vagine was all disorganized.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
