what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize