it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
