it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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