I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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