Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
