Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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