Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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