And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
