Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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