I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
