Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
