doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
