i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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