How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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