I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize