I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
