You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
