i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
soo... how was my night?
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