i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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