i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
