from now on my penis is your penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
