You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
