we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
