i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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