***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
