I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
