Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize