Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
