I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
