I think I died a long time ago.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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