Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
