Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
