Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
