I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
