I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
