its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
