You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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