Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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