She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
