i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
