did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
