What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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