her vagine was all disorganized.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
