it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize