I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
