whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
