hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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