Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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