Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
