Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
