Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
